Body language and personal appearance represent one side of the
equation to building rapport and trust during an interview. The
other, equally important side, is how you behave and express yourself
during an interview.
Never argue
One of the worst things you can do at an interview is argue with
the interviewer. Even a very polite argument should never be
considered. Arguing will more than likely convince the interviewer
that you are argumentative by nature, which is not a trait that excites
employers. This is a point some interviewees forget—especially when
they’re convinced they’re in the right or the interviewer says
something that is evidently wrong. Also, some interviewers (usually
inexperienced ones) tend to downplay some of the things interviewees
say and add their own information or even make corrections (or
what they believe to be corrections). Encountering this type of
interviewer can be a very frustrating experience. It is at times such
as these that your smile can turn into a grimace and the rest of your
body can look like it is ready to launch into battle. However, the
effective interviewee will maintain discipline and continue to smile,
nod happily and utter little gems like, ‘Yes, that’s right,’ and ‘I
couldn’t agree more’.
You may be thinking, ‘I would never want to work for an inter-
viewer who is so disagreeable, so why should I be so agreeable?’
Whilst this is not an unreasonable thought, there are good reasons
to ignore it:
• The interviewer may not be the employer or your direct supervisor.
• Bad interviewers do not necessarily make bad employers.
• The interviewer may be inexperienced, nervous or having a
bad day.
Always do your very best at an interview, no matter how
objectionable you may find the interviewer. The whole idea of
attending an interview is to be offered a job. It’s up to you on
whether you accept the offer or not later on.
Avoid embellishments
It is tempting to exaggerate past achievements—after all, interviews
are all about making a good impression. The problem with inflating
past achievements is that you can easily lose your all-important
credibility, or be caught out later because you’ve said something
different. Embellishments can easily be seen through by experienced
interviewers, who will probably not tell you that they think you’re
gilding the lily, but instead will discount you for the job. This can
be a disaster if the interviewer is working for an important
employment recruitment firm which handles a large percentage of
the jobs you’re applying for. It can also be a disaster if you’ve
succeeded in winning the job and fail to live up to the hype you
were responsible for starting. It is best to stick to reality.
Avoid negatives
There is no point in attending an interview if you’re going to sit there
and highlight many of your flaws and defects. Here are some examples
of negative statements that send interviewers ducking for cover:
• ‘I would have been able to finish the project had I not been
clashing with my teammates.’ (You may have been working with
the teammates from hell, but the interviewer is likely to ques-
tion your team player abilities.)
• ‘I love working in call centres, but sometimes customer inquiries
drive me batty.’ (A good call centre operator can deal with all
types of customer inquiries, including the stupid ones.)
• ‘I generally enjoy managing people except when they start com-
plaining about their work. I don’t like whingers.’ (Most people
complain about work from time to time—the job of a good
manager is to listen and help, not think of staff as whingers.)
• ‘I don’t like things changing all the time. Just when you learn
one thing you need to unlearn it and learn something different.
There’s too much instability in some workplaces.’ (Unless you’re
applying for a rare job where things always remain the same,
this answer—given today’s rapid rate of change—could easily
enter the hall of fame for bad answers.)
• ‘I don’t like pressure.’ (Avoid this one unless you’re applying for
a fantasy job you’ve created in your head.)
• ‘I don’t like being told what to do.’ (You should be giving
serious consideration to starting your own business.)
• ‘I suffer from high levels of stress, so I need a stress-free job.’
(Another fantasy job.)
• ‘I don’t like working overtime.’ (A lot of people don’t like work-
ing overtime but it’s not the sort of thing to say at an interview.
Unless pressing commitments don’t allow you to, most jobs
require people to stay back sometimes.)
• ‘I get annoyed when people don’t understand what I’m talking
about.’ (Perhaps you’ve got a communication problem.)
• ‘I don’t know why, but people seem to be frightened of me.’
(Perhaps you’ve got a problem relating to people.)
• ‘I’m a slow learner.’ (Ouch!)
Negative statements frighten interviewers a great deal—remember,
they’re a conservative bunch. Being critical about your past
performances is tantamount to giving interviewers a reason for not
hiring you. Also, negative statements—because they scare
interviewers—tend to invite follow-up questions, which is the very
last thing you want happening at an interview. The whole idea is
to say things that will invite positive questions—that is, questions
that allow you to talk about all your strengths and wonderful
achievements.
Some people think that pointing out negatives is a way of
demonstrating their honesty to the interviewer. Unfortunately for
them, the interviewer will only be thinking of ways of terminating
the interview. Other than things that will have a direct bearing upon
the job (such as a problem back in a job which requires heavy lifting),
it is no one’s business what your foibles may be. What you may
perceive as a weakness about yourself may not be regarded as one
by others. At the end of the day, interviews are about making the
best impression possible.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Dress and appearance
Some people persist in thinking that their appearance has very little
to do with their ability to perform in a job, and so give little
consideration to how they dress for an interview. Whilst the logic
in this thinking may be unassailable, it is a dangerous thing to do
because it fails to take into account that interviews are largely about
managing perceptions. Interviewers have certain expectations about
dress codes. Failing to meet those expectations is dangerous.
The rule of the thumb for dress and appearance is to err on the
side of caution. On the whole, interviewers tend to be cautious and
conservative when hiring someone. The last thing an employer
wants to do is to hire the wrong person. Reliability, loyalty,
consistency, trustworthiness and dependability are qualities that all
employers seek in employees, no matter what type of job it is. Your
task at the interview is to signal to the interviewer that you have
all those qualities, and dressing appropriately represents a good start.
Here are some tips:
• Always make a point of wearing clean clothes and shoes.
• Jeans (or anything else) with holes in them may make a posi-
tive impression on the dance floor, but are unlikely to inspire
an interviewer.
• Avoid excessive jewellery and makeup.
• A designer stubble may make you look manly and represent the
latest word from the fashion gurus; however, it’s likely to make
the interviewer think that you didn’t think the job was impor-
tant enough for you to bother shaving.
• Avoid extreme hairstyles.
• Avoid displaying too much skin.
There is a sensible school of thought that advocates dressing
according to the nature of the job you’re applying for. So, if you’re
applying for an accountant’s position, you wear a business suit,
whereas if you’re applying for a labourer’s position on a building
site, a business suit is inappropriate. All this is true; however, the
above tips on dress and appearance remain important.
to do with their ability to perform in a job, and so give little
consideration to how they dress for an interview. Whilst the logic
in this thinking may be unassailable, it is a dangerous thing to do
because it fails to take into account that interviews are largely about
managing perceptions. Interviewers have certain expectations about
dress codes. Failing to meet those expectations is dangerous.
The rule of the thumb for dress and appearance is to err on the
side of caution. On the whole, interviewers tend to be cautious and
conservative when hiring someone. The last thing an employer
wants to do is to hire the wrong person. Reliability, loyalty,
consistency, trustworthiness and dependability are qualities that all
employers seek in employees, no matter what type of job it is. Your
task at the interview is to signal to the interviewer that you have
all those qualities, and dressing appropriately represents a good start.
Here are some tips:
• Always make a point of wearing clean clothes and shoes.
• Jeans (or anything else) with holes in them may make a posi-
tive impression on the dance floor, but are unlikely to inspire
an interviewer.
• Avoid excessive jewellery and makeup.
• A designer stubble may make you look manly and represent the
latest word from the fashion gurus; however, it’s likely to make
the interviewer think that you didn’t think the job was impor-
tant enough for you to bother shaving.
• Avoid extreme hairstyles.
• Avoid displaying too much skin.
There is a sensible school of thought that advocates dressing
according to the nature of the job you’re applying for. So, if you’re
applying for an accountant’s position, you wear a business suit,
whereas if you’re applying for a labourer’s position on a building
site, a business suit is inappropriate. All this is true; however, the
above tips on dress and appearance remain important.
Hands and arms
Handshake
A good handshake is a firm one. If you are a young male, avoid the
primal urge to crush the hand bones of the interviewer. Remind
yourself that the purpose of handshaking is to establish rapport,
not to demonstrate how strong you are. Avoid also the limp
handshake, the long handshake (remember to let go) and the three
finger handshake.
If you suffer badly from sweaty palms, bring a handkerchief, but
if your sweat glands are running riot it would be a good idea to
warn the interviewer first before drenching their palm.
A good handshake is a firm one. If you are a young male, avoid the
primal urge to crush the hand bones of the interviewer. Remind
yourself that the purpose of handshaking is to establish rapport,
not to demonstrate how strong you are. Avoid also the limp
handshake, the long handshake (remember to let go) and the three
finger handshake.
If you suffer badly from sweaty palms, bring a handkerchief, but
if your sweat glands are running riot it would be a good idea to
warn the interviewer first before drenching their palm.
Body language issues
Sitting
The way you sit communicates a great deal about a whole range of
issues, including how important you think the interview is, how
nervous (or confident) you are, and your understanding of the
underlying power relations. Some people’s sitting position exudes
over-familiarity and even arrogance, whereas others communicate
a serious lack of self-belief.
The golden rules in sitting are: avoid anything that will distract
the interviewer from concentrating upon the content of your answers;
and avoid making the interviewer feel uncomfortable. Interviewers
generally do not feel comfortable if you sit in an aggressive way
(leaning forward too much) or in an overly passive way (leaning
back and crossing your legs at the thighs). In short, good sitting
goes unnoticed by the interviewer. Here are some tips on what you
should avoid:
• Leaning back. Gives the impression that you’re not taking the
interview seriously.
• Crossing your legs at the thighs. Too familiar, especially at the
beginning of an interview.
• Sitting with your legs wide apart. Far too familiar for an interview
situation, and can be both distracting and uncomfortable for the
interviewer.
• Leaning forward too much. May make some interviewers feel
uncomfortable, especially if you’re physically big and talk loudly.
• Slouching. Gives the impression that you’re not taking the inter-
view seriously and will likely slouch in your duties.
Tips on good sitting practice include:
• Straight and upright body. This is a neutral sitting position that
interviewers expect to see.
• Male legs. Males can keep their upper legs facing straight forward
and adopt what is commonly referred to as the starters posi-
tion—that is, the dominant foot flat on the ground with the
other foot having only the front part touching the ground.
• Female legs. Females can cross their legs at the ankles and posi-
tion the legs slightly to one side.
Facial expressions and eye contact
Facial expressions are extremely powerful communicators. If you’re
sitting correctly, the interviewer should spend most of the interview
looking at your face and eyes. The two golden rules of sitting also
apply here: do not do anything that will distract interviewers or
make them feel uncomfortable. Anything that is overdone will almost
certainly give the interviewer pause for concern, whether it be too
much smiling, nodding or eye contact.
During the course of an interview, it is very important to control
your facial expressions, especially if you feel the interview is not
progressing to your satisfaction or you’re hearing something you
don’t like—otherwise you may be communicating unwanted
information to the interviewer.
Failure to control your facial expressions will undermine your
credibility by sending conflicting signals to the interviewer. For
example, say the interviewer suddenly tells you that the job will
include a new and important duty that was not mentioned in the
job ad and your immediate gut feeling reaction is, ‘Oh no I didn’t
prepare for this new duty, and what the hell are they doing changing
the job at this late stage and I know nothing about this new bloody
duty!’ But you say (or try to say), ‘New duty, that’s fine. I’m used
to taking on new duties. I’m a fast learner and enjoy the challenge.’
In this situation there’s a good chance that the terror registered on
your face will undermine your words and leave the interviewer
unconvinced despite a reasonable answer.
Controlling one’s expressions is harder to do than many people
realise. Often our faces work independently of our wishes. And
usually they communicate our deepest (darkest) feelings, which it
may not be in our best interests to reveal. But with a bit of knowledge
and practice we can go a long way towards controlling what our
faces say.
Becoming aware of the communicative power of facial expressions
represents a good start to controlling unwanted communication.
Next time you feel that your face may be communicating something
that you don’t want it to, stop and force yourself to change it. You’ll
probably find it a little awkward at first, but with a bit of perseverance
you should be able to control it at will. With enough practice, it
will become second nature.
Smiling
If you were standing outside a room seconds away from being invited
in for an interview and I happened to be passing by and you grabbed
me with a desperate look in your eye asking me for one piece of
advice, I would say, ‘Don’t forget to smile’.
Smiling is a highly effective communicator and sends all the
right signals to the interviewer, especially for building rapport.
A smile can often achieve what the best of answers cannot—softening
the interviewer. Very importantly, when you smile at people it usually
makes them feel better, which tends to draw out their better nature—
exactly what you want to be doing at an interview. It also signals
to the interviewer that you have well-developed social skills, are a
nice person and do not suffer from anti-social tendencies. Here are
some tips about smiling:
• Be genuine. Avoid grinning or putting on a forced smile. There’s
nothing worse than someone trying to smile but only succeeding
in demonstrating the art of teeth clenching.
• Don’t overdo it. Overdoing it may run you the risk of appearing
disingenuous.
Avoid mimicking the grim-faced interviewer
It is not uncommon to mimic others’ facial expressions (and body
language), even though we often don’t realise we’re doing it. If you
encounter the grim-faced interviewer, try not to fall into the trap
of being grim-faced yourself. This is not as easy as it may sound
because human beings, being what we are, usually require positive
feedback in order to continue behaving in certain ways. In other
words, if you smile and the other person refuses to smile back, there’s
a good chance you will stop smiling. So: do not allow a dour
interviewer to put you off. Stick to your guns and produce your
warmest smiles, no matter what!
Nodding your head
Nodding of the head represents another extremely powerful
communicator. When you nod your head at something, people say
you are telling them that you agree with them, and you do so
without interrupting, which is an ideal rapport-building technique
when the interviewer decides to expound on a topic. But be careful:
as in smiling, the danger with nodding your head is overdoing it.
Eye contact
The key to successful eye contact is avoiding extremes. Overdoing
it can put people off, as can making hardly any eye contact at all.
Staring will almost certainly raise a big question mark about your
social skills. Even worse, it may frighten the interviewer. Not making
enough eye contact will more than likely signal that you lack
confidence and perhaps suffer from low self-esteem issues. Bear in
mind that interviews are largely about imparting impressions. You
may in reality be a confident and outgoing person who enjoys a
great social life, but if you fail to make enough eye contact with the
interviewer, you will probably fail to communicate that reality.
Like so many of the non-verbal communicators, appropriate
levels of eye contact during an interview differ between cultures. It
is important that you ascertain the cultural norm before walking
into an interview.
The way you sit communicates a great deal about a whole range of
issues, including how important you think the interview is, how
nervous (or confident) you are, and your understanding of the
underlying power relations. Some people’s sitting position exudes
over-familiarity and even arrogance, whereas others communicate
a serious lack of self-belief.
The golden rules in sitting are: avoid anything that will distract
the interviewer from concentrating upon the content of your answers;
and avoid making the interviewer feel uncomfortable. Interviewers
generally do not feel comfortable if you sit in an aggressive way
(leaning forward too much) or in an overly passive way (leaning
back and crossing your legs at the thighs). In short, good sitting
goes unnoticed by the interviewer. Here are some tips on what you
should avoid:
• Leaning back. Gives the impression that you’re not taking the
interview seriously.
• Crossing your legs at the thighs. Too familiar, especially at the
beginning of an interview.
• Sitting with your legs wide apart. Far too familiar for an interview
situation, and can be both distracting and uncomfortable for the
interviewer.
• Leaning forward too much. May make some interviewers feel
uncomfortable, especially if you’re physically big and talk loudly.
• Slouching. Gives the impression that you’re not taking the inter-
view seriously and will likely slouch in your duties.
Tips on good sitting practice include:
• Straight and upright body. This is a neutral sitting position that
interviewers expect to see.
• Male legs. Males can keep their upper legs facing straight forward
and adopt what is commonly referred to as the starters posi-
tion—that is, the dominant foot flat on the ground with the
other foot having only the front part touching the ground.
• Female legs. Females can cross their legs at the ankles and posi-
tion the legs slightly to one side.
Facial expressions and eye contact
Facial expressions are extremely powerful communicators. If you’re
sitting correctly, the interviewer should spend most of the interview
looking at your face and eyes. The two golden rules of sitting also
apply here: do not do anything that will distract interviewers or
make them feel uncomfortable. Anything that is overdone will almost
certainly give the interviewer pause for concern, whether it be too
much smiling, nodding or eye contact.
During the course of an interview, it is very important to control
your facial expressions, especially if you feel the interview is not
progressing to your satisfaction or you’re hearing something you
don’t like—otherwise you may be communicating unwanted
information to the interviewer.
Failure to control your facial expressions will undermine your
credibility by sending conflicting signals to the interviewer. For
example, say the interviewer suddenly tells you that the job will
include a new and important duty that was not mentioned in the
job ad and your immediate gut feeling reaction is, ‘Oh no I didn’t
prepare for this new duty, and what the hell are they doing changing
the job at this late stage and I know nothing about this new bloody
duty!’ But you say (or try to say), ‘New duty, that’s fine. I’m used
to taking on new duties. I’m a fast learner and enjoy the challenge.’
In this situation there’s a good chance that the terror registered on
your face will undermine your words and leave the interviewer
unconvinced despite a reasonable answer.
Controlling one’s expressions is harder to do than many people
realise. Often our faces work independently of our wishes. And
usually they communicate our deepest (darkest) feelings, which it
may not be in our best interests to reveal. But with a bit of knowledge
and practice we can go a long way towards controlling what our
faces say.
Becoming aware of the communicative power of facial expressions
represents a good start to controlling unwanted communication.
Next time you feel that your face may be communicating something
that you don’t want it to, stop and force yourself to change it. You’ll
probably find it a little awkward at first, but with a bit of perseverance
you should be able to control it at will. With enough practice, it
will become second nature.
Smiling
If you were standing outside a room seconds away from being invited
in for an interview and I happened to be passing by and you grabbed
me with a desperate look in your eye asking me for one piece of
advice, I would say, ‘Don’t forget to smile’.
Smiling is a highly effective communicator and sends all the
right signals to the interviewer, especially for building rapport.
A smile can often achieve what the best of answers cannot—softening
the interviewer. Very importantly, when you smile at people it usually
makes them feel better, which tends to draw out their better nature—
exactly what you want to be doing at an interview. It also signals
to the interviewer that you have well-developed social skills, are a
nice person and do not suffer from anti-social tendencies. Here are
some tips about smiling:
• Be genuine. Avoid grinning or putting on a forced smile. There’s
nothing worse than someone trying to smile but only succeeding
in demonstrating the art of teeth clenching.
• Don’t overdo it. Overdoing it may run you the risk of appearing
disingenuous.
Avoid mimicking the grim-faced interviewer
It is not uncommon to mimic others’ facial expressions (and body
language), even though we often don’t realise we’re doing it. If you
encounter the grim-faced interviewer, try not to fall into the trap
of being grim-faced yourself. This is not as easy as it may sound
because human beings, being what we are, usually require positive
feedback in order to continue behaving in certain ways. In other
words, if you smile and the other person refuses to smile back, there’s
a good chance you will stop smiling. So: do not allow a dour
interviewer to put you off. Stick to your guns and produce your
warmest smiles, no matter what!
Nodding your head
Nodding of the head represents another extremely powerful
communicator. When you nod your head at something, people say
you are telling them that you agree with them, and you do so
without interrupting, which is an ideal rapport-building technique
when the interviewer decides to expound on a topic. But be careful:
as in smiling, the danger with nodding your head is overdoing it.
Eye contact
The key to successful eye contact is avoiding extremes. Overdoing
it can put people off, as can making hardly any eye contact at all.
Staring will almost certainly raise a big question mark about your
social skills. Even worse, it may frighten the interviewer. Not making
enough eye contact will more than likely signal that you lack
confidence and perhaps suffer from low self-esteem issues. Bear in
mind that interviews are largely about imparting impressions. You
may in reality be a confident and outgoing person who enjoys a
great social life, but if you fail to make enough eye contact with the
interviewer, you will probably fail to communicate that reality.
Like so many of the non-verbal communicators, appropriate
levels of eye contact during an interview differ between cultures. It
is important that you ascertain the cultural norm before walking
into an interview.
Avoid grovelling
Acknowledging the power dynamics inherent in most interviews
does not mean grovelling. As already mentioned, throwing yourself
at the feet of the interviewer or laughing yourself hoarse at a lame
joke will more than likely be seen as a form of deceit. The lesson
here is a simple one: be aware of the underlying power dynamics
present at most interviews and avoid behaviours (such as arguing a
point or openly disagreeing with the interviewer) that will more
than likely put the interviewer off.
does not mean grovelling. As already mentioned, throwing yourself
at the feet of the interviewer or laughing yourself hoarse at a lame
joke will more than likely be seen as a form of deceit. The lesson
here is a simple one: be aware of the underlying power dynamics
present at most interviews and avoid behaviours (such as arguing a
point or openly disagreeing with the interviewer) that will more
than likely put the interviewer off.
Acknowledging the power source
In most interviews, there is an important yet unspoken dynamic
lurking just beneath the surface. This dynamic is as old as the first
time humans eyeballed each other and opened their mouths to
grunt. Naturally, I’m talking about power. More specifically, I’m
talking about acknowledging the fact that, in the vast majority of
cases, the interviewer has the real power. (The exception to this is
when you are lucky enough to possess a unique set of skills and/or
knowledge that the employer is desperate to have.) If you are serious
about maximising your rapport, it’s important to demonstrate to
the interviewer that you understand they have all the power when
it comes to giving you the job.
As an interviewee, you too have power—primarily through the
fact that you control what the interviewer will hear. However, this
does not eliminate the reality that the power to hire (or not) lies
exclusively with the interviewer. Interviewees who acknowledge the
interviewer’s power stand a better chance of being liked (and therefore
winning the job) because, to put it bluntly, most human beings
have a weakness for feeling important and having their egos stroked.
Intuitively, many of us understand this dynamic but not everyone
proactively demonstrates it during the interview. An interviewer
may not even be aware of this dynamic (you can usually pick the
ones who enjoy their power), but this doesn’t mean it’s not there.
lurking just beneath the surface. This dynamic is as old as the first
time humans eyeballed each other and opened their mouths to
grunt. Naturally, I’m talking about power. More specifically, I’m
talking about acknowledging the fact that, in the vast majority of
cases, the interviewer has the real power. (The exception to this is
when you are lucky enough to possess a unique set of skills and/or
knowledge that the employer is desperate to have.) If you are serious
about maximising your rapport, it’s important to demonstrate to
the interviewer that you understand they have all the power when
it comes to giving you the job.
As an interviewee, you too have power—primarily through the
fact that you control what the interviewer will hear. However, this
does not eliminate the reality that the power to hire (or not) lies
exclusively with the interviewer. Interviewees who acknowledge the
interviewer’s power stand a better chance of being liked (and therefore
winning the job) because, to put it bluntly, most human beings
have a weakness for feeling important and having their egos stroked.
Intuitively, many of us understand this dynamic but not everyone
proactively demonstrates it during the interview. An interviewer
may not even be aware of this dynamic (you can usually pick the
ones who enjoy their power), but this doesn’t mean it’s not there.
Modelling
An effective way of improving your interpersonal communication
skills is by reading what the experts say and modelling those who
you know are good at it. People you know who are genuinely popular
usually possess highly developed interpersonal communication skills,
even though they may not be aware of it. Next time you’re with
them, take a few minutes to observe all those little things they do
and see what you can learn.
Modelling should be used as a guide only, however. Avoid over-
mimicking or cloning someone else’s behaviours. It is worth
remembering that we are all different and what may work well for
one person may not work for another. Learn to be selective and
adopt only those things that you feel confident about.
skills is by reading what the experts say and modelling those who
you know are good at it. People you know who are genuinely popular
usually possess highly developed interpersonal communication skills,
even though they may not be aware of it. Next time you’re with
them, take a few minutes to observe all those little things they do
and see what you can learn.
Modelling should be used as a guide only, however. Avoid over-
mimicking or cloning someone else’s behaviours. It is worth
remembering that we are all different and what may work well for
one person may not work for another. Learn to be selective and
adopt only those things that you feel confident about.
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